Corona Diaries VI – 1, 2 April


It’s all over, we’re being let out! The virus magically disappeared overnight!

Early start today, walking in the woods. It was going to be a ‘teacher start’ which is a bit like – shall we just do a couple of the circuits of the woods at 4:30am. But I convinced my friend that we could have a bit more of a sane meeting time. Of course I’m exaggerating – I’m lazy. We did 9:00am.

Fried eggs on crumpets for breakfast with fresh coffee. Mum had thrown some seeds for the small birds onto the mossy lawn, but immediately the industrial cleanup team arrives, and spend about half an hour proceeding to methodically hoover it all up. Two mated woodpigeons, very beautiful but absolutely tactless.

I watch some contemporary explanations by the American department of defence of their high altitude nuclear tests, to help me relax again. They focus on the beautiful aurora effects and twisting phenomena as the ionising radiation interacts with the atmosphere and the earth’s magnetic field. Later I read some more, and it turns out that when they set off the highest altitude test, the resulting electromagnetic pulse destroyed three-hundred street lights in Hawaii, nine-hundred miles away. Of course they decided this was classified information. Some is still classified, relating to the pattern of the electromagnetic pulse, indicating that it remains an active part of U.S nuclear strategy that they would use edge of space E.M.P blasts in response to some situation. And the radiation from 1962, which promptly destroyed a few satellites, continued to affect satellites til as late as 2010. That is some goddamn stupid shit. On a lighter note, I think they were the biggest fireworks ever set off. If aliens come to visit any time soon, they’ll be coming to ask – hey, this is my interstellar dongle. Can you explain to me why it’s broken?

Meet my friends online again for a quiz, and win, largely due to my knowledge of disney cartoon characters and their names. In the translation, I add bits and pieces to earlier chapters as I go, including a cold open, title credits and intermission soundtrack. I mean, why not?

Skipping rope skips: 0 – thinking of what to replace skipping with. My friend suggested a workout app I used to use. So maybe that.


April Fool’s! We’re still inside.

This morning my sister tells me that Google has divested from all the right wing think tanks which endorse climate change denial, and apologised for ever having been involved with them. I am amazed to learn that they plan to be carbon neutral by 2025, and endorse joining Extinction Rebellion, and the whole thing gives me a ray of hope among all the shoddiness. I say to her, I want to go to Google’s office and say – WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO! About ten minutes later she says, it was an fake announcement for April fools, done by Extinction Rebellion. I am immediately flat for having believed it, and all that hope disappears with a pop, leaving a slightly deeper hole where it was. Before that we were talking about how I think Google and Facebook should be broken up and regulated more. It can’t happen soon enough. I wonder how the Extinction Rebellion social media team wanted me to react to this. It certainly gives a beautiful possibility to dream about, but it makes me kinda hate them for tricking me so completely. It also makes me think that if the government set up a kind of climate change territorial army whose entire job was to plant trees and maintain and grow new forests across the country or world in a climate war, I might consider joining up.

I’ve gone completely soft and am having white ‘toastie’ bread since my sister ordered some for a treat. It’s like eating cake with marmite on. Translation is slow today, I enjoy listening to several hours of synthwave tracks, only to realise it’s been the same five or six tunes. Simple pleasures.

Still waiting on inspiration for a new exercise regime.

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